why is life so hard some times?

Some times i sit down and think to myself.....why does life have to be so complicated? why does it always throw twists and turns and BLOCKS in front of you just when you think things are starting to turn out better? the answer to this is unknown to me personaly but to others i ask ...they always seem to have the right answers.

Alot of things have happend in my life over the past little while...2 of my best friends were blessed with the most beautiful baby girl i have ever seen...*congrats guys I love you*...I moved away ...and came back, and yet again it seems that someone i know has passed away. I have alot going through my head that I wish wasnt, but there isnt much i can do to stop it. Alot of things i have told to those close to me and they are helping me through it, but there are a few other things that no one knows about that I havent been able to *solve* on my own, they are very difficult things for me and i know talking about them would probably help but as you all know me..there are certain things i like to do on my own.

I dont know why i am writing this, maybe just for a little bit of releaf on my part, and to let people know that I am still alive and I havent fallen off the face of the earth.

I half expected things to go back to being the way they were before i left town but for some reason alot of things seem different. People seem to have changed while i was gone...dam i didnt think i was gone that long people ....like come one here! ...*hehe*.

Everyone i used to know is either too busy to say hi or talk on the phone, either that or they are no longer around or no longer want the company of me....Although I see why in the cases of some of the people i knew but for the majority of the others I am uncertain why...

So I end this statement with this finaly question..can any one give me there explenation why?

Why is life so twisted?

good news ...for me anyways

Well I came to the conclusion the other day that I am no where near ready to be out on my own as you all may have figured would happen sooner than later I am on my way home!....I will be in town on the 14th of this month. There are a few reasons why I am coming home for those of you who chose to ask....one: I miss my mommy and daddy(yes i guess that one would have been a give in)..two: I am having some physical problems I need to be at home to deal with, a.k.a my screwed up spine has gotten worse since I'v been here and I need to go back and see my doctor back home. three: there are certain people who are having a baby soon who would apreciate having me home for that, and four: the most important thing (to me that is) is the fact that I am in love, Now i know this person loves me back just as much, but nothing is going on between us...(yet)...I have yet to talk to this person and figure out what we are going to do about *us* and the way we feel...

So on a closing note...yes I am coming home for good...

I love you all and I will see you shortly...

(did ya miss me)...hehehe