IM SOOO ALONE

I broke up with my boyfriend of one year the other day.......it really hurt at first, but i didnt show it .... i was strong......It didnt hit me how much i hate being alone until my best friend wes started to talk to me about it, then the tears hit...

Ive come to realize , that being alone is something thats hard for me to handle, Im so used to having some one there to comfort me or make me happy , or to wake up with in the morning, that i dont know if i could stand being alone for too long. I know that im not really alone , because of all the wonderful friends that i have, they are like family to me.

Its also really hard falling for your ex's best friend. expecially when he's known ur ex since 7th grade. I want to go out with wes, but at the same time i dont because I dont feel right putting him in the middle of me and my ex, Im scared that if i start dating him then things will get messed up between him and my ex and i dont want to ruin there friendship. Im too nice of a person to do something like that.

Josh(my ex) kept telling me that he was sorry and that he didnt mean all the horrible things that he said to me while i was ill(and still am). I know it may be true but i also know that we have grown apart over the past few months of not living together. That is one of the main reasons we broke up, and that he fell in love with someone new while we were seeing eachother. so I had no choice but to end it...

I hate being alone, *crying*, but i guess its something that i will have to get used to. For i fear that i will NEVER find someone who will actually love me and just me.......i never do...
the last thing i have to say is ......"Wes, if you read this, I do like you, and i just want you to be happy."

Reindeer???!!

I recently checked out Rose's blog and found her blog about "which one of santa's reindeer are you"
and here are my results:

***You Are Cupid***
A total romantic, you're always crushing on a new reindeer.
Why You're Naughty: You've caused so much drama, all the reindeers aren't speaking to each other.
Why You're Nice: You have a knack for playing matchmaker. You even hooked Rudolph up!
Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?http://www.blogthings.com/whichofsantasreindeerareyouquiz/

conclusions

I have come to the conclusion that every time I want to do something fun for myself I should just go out and do it and not say anything to any one becuase every time i do they majically all of a sudden have it done or have gone and done it already, when up until the time i mentioned that i wanted to do something they have said it was lame or boring or ..."not in style"....

From now on I am not going to tell any of my friends about the "fun stuff" I want to do...because if i do i would just be giving away my wonderful ideas and i dont want to do that anymore...Im tired of people doing things before me just to be cooler than I.....

There have been quite a few times where i have mentioned to a few of my friends that i am going to go buy something nice for myself for once...and a few days or weeks later they all of a sudden have it like i said .....so thats my thought for the day.....not to tell my friends anything!....that way ..i will be able to go shopping for myself and not have to care or worry about who already has what or who already went and did something ....like alot of my friends do.

updates on the wonderfulness of ME!

Well i havent blogged in a long time so i thought i would give my input on a few past things and let you know what i have been up to in the past little while....

On the whole church thing....I would say that i agree with Rose, and Scott..and whoever else is involved...Dont be rude to certain people just because they are being kind and helping him along with his wonderful new business, thats not what church is about...Whoever has dont this should be VERY VERY ashamed....God would not be happy about that...and you , EXPECIALLY all of you should know that. Im not impressed with the way some people from church have been acting towards those who chose to be true to their kind hearts and help those who need it...
and thats all i have to say about that topic...if you dont like what i have to say about it then you dont have to ...but its the TRUTH

And on another front....work is going great...and incase you havent heard yet i am working in the new deli in superstore.
My boyfriend , a friend and I are looking to move by January, and he no longer lives in my house...we decided that living apart is better for us...(not explaining the story).

I recently found out that my lung virus has moved down into my stomach, so that kinda hurts..i was diagnosed with patello femeral syndrome or as the comical people i know would like to put it ...flat feet,( and no i dont have duck feet mom!!!).

well thats really all I have to say for now.....

Oh and by the way.....TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WANT OTHERS TO TREAT YOU!