Pain

ok here it is....this is just me needing to rant and rave to someone about this and my blog is the only way i see that i can do that to everyone and not do it in person and tick people off...

IM TIRED OF PEOPLE TREATING ME LIKE CRAP


I'm sick and tired of people in my school (teachers and students alike) treating me like I dont matter or like I dont even belong......its really driving me up the F*ing wall....(scuse my language)

but im serious about this....i have only about 2 months left of school before my prom hits and about 2 1/2 months before im finished school completely....i can quit now i know that (besides i made promises to people i intend to keep them)!

I dont know what im going to do about these people....Ive done all i can about it and now its just little things that are ticking me off that arent even worth talking to the principle about .....

like ....telling me i cant sit somewhere,( where i usually sit), because someone else is going to sit there...or getting mad at me because i didnt have time to do homework or because ive been away for so long and not been in class.....(even when they know that my father just got out of intensive care and is now back home.
On top of that my dad had to *do away* with my cat because he was having multiple seasures.....
i couldnt be at home so I left to go see Josh for a while.....then as soon as i walked in the door at home i looked at the freazer where my kat usually sits and he was gone...i was in tears within 2 seconds of walking in the door.......

Some people dont realize this ...but over the past 4 or 5 months.... Ive gone through sooo much pain and dispare that i cant even sleep properly anymore....
like last night for example i woke up at 2:30, and 4:36, and again every 10to 15 minutes from 5:00 to about 7:21...So lets just say that Im not in a good mood today ...and on top of that I ended up talking to my ex b/f junior this morning on the computer ......I told him how i felt and whats been going on with me lately and he did the same and then he told me that i was lieing to myself about him and basically implying that i didnt care even tho i do and always will....(is it true that you never forget ur first love?)...cause that is what i believe ......and that is what i told him....

so right now i am so edgy its not even funny and i just wish that i could drop out get a job and live a life away from all those people who cause me pain and hurt....I WANT OUT OF THIS STUPID BOX... But I lost my key!

thats the most phylisophical way i can put it.....ok then here is another one if you dont believe me.....
"If drinking and driving is illegal, then why do Bars have parking lots?"

poor kitty:'(

Last night at about 8ish...i noticed my cat was acting really weird.....so my dad came over to look at him.......He was flopping around and his eyes were dialated.....he had lost the pinkness in his mouth and nose ....is color was almost completely white......and he couldnt even lift up his head without falling over onto his side.......he was really sick........

So since my family is on a tight budget ......we called my uncle to....*end his life*.....and GO FIGURE!...just as i go to wrap him up in an old pillow case to put him in the truck......he livens up and starts to move around normally again........so he is still alive and kicking but his color in his mouth and nose are still a little bit off....he can walk normaly, and he still isnt eating like he used to ........

A while ago i was talking about getting rid of him.....Well i cant bloody well do that now....my boyfriend and I were sitting with him for 2 hours last night just petting him and making him comphortable.....as i told my boyfriend last night....I think he just adopted a new pet.....spock(my cat0 was LOVING IT....getting all that attention.....my friend Leanne told me that its possible that he had a stroke or a seasure.......which i didnt think was possible in animals but obviously i was prooven wrong............

Now im happy..i have my family, my friends , my boyfriend...and my kitty!!....SPOCK!!

Well....things could be going better.....I think alot of people got a really good scare on sunday!

when that guy came up and read that letter from the other pastor.....i thought( at first) that scott was leaving us for good, but then after he talked i realized that it was stupid of me to think such a thing......scott would never leave us! we'de go nuts!

To me ...scott isnt just a pastor...he is a loving father....and very good friend.....he has done so much for every one of us and what have we done for him in return, NOTHING but tell him our problems and ask him to help us more...

At a time like this i think scott needs us more than we need him....Im happy that he has decided to take some needed time off, and happy because he will still always be the scott that we all know and love.


what he needs right now ( in my opinion) is friends. Not members of the church...but friends that he sees once a week....
You see...scott will always be there...even though he isnt up front making us laugh like he usually does...just because hes not up there doesnt mean he wont be there... he will always be there......in my prayers....in our lives...and in my heart.....for i love scott ......as a friend...as a comedian:P and as a father........